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��� dear ai ling..
��� i would never ever know what i want in this life anymore..i guess everything has been pretty messed up and i dont have the slightest idea to fix anything..i dont know what i really want .. i would definitely liked the idea of ever being back to the better times... but i guess under current circumstances, i would just favor just being a friend to you ..just like we are suppposed to be after the end of everything exactly 2 months ago..yeah 8th January 1999...
��� i dont know much about myself after all that, i saw myself hanging around with a piece of thorn cord fixxed around my neck, dangling my life away.. my mind just keeps replaying everything again and again. every minut� minute of the day, my mind would encircles my thoughts.. one time or another i would be feeling really bad and the likes of blaming stuffs while the next second i would be thinking ..yeah positively- the attitude that yu'll never thought that i would be living in life..i can't brace myself to listen to hitz fm anymore cuz i know that i'll be warped back almost instantly after the dj plays any song that reminds me of the memories of the forgotten days..
these one year and month and 22 days living my life with you has been very fab..i kno that yu said that and admitted our life together was pretty short, as about a few weeks.. but to me, its as if we've been together for a long time and forever would be the best end for it.. yeah i am that type.. thank you very much ..and i mean it, for the great while when we're together..how much it meant those times are still a major part of the happiness of me til now..still i am not one who blames the other for fault..�
� in the past, i would always thought that i could easily pass as the happiest person on the face of the earth...i wish i could now..back then, i should've treasured the title more..i guess its already too late for everything does it? now, i couldn't exactly say or identify the days that could've gone by me as a happy one for me, i didn't say it as a nil though...i mean yeah, i do have nice days ..but does it matters to me much? however it turns out, i'll always be condemned to be the second happiest one..its like a perfect no-win situation for me ..yes, it does bothers me a lot.. i often see myself and set certain small day by day goals..but reality bites, i'm still stuck deep down the very same old condition..whether i did win my goal, or the other way around...it doesn't matter..its the same old case.. i wont exactly be happy with the win..nor the loss..its just the same..the second in line..
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